Unfortunately, in life, things don’t end up like they’re “supposed to”. Whether it be friends, relationships, careers, anything really. When something you spent almost you’re whole life investing in is just gone in a blink of an eye it hits hard. When my dad died it was the hardest thing ever. Still is daily.
I have only gotten through it with the help of friends and family and God. Then some of my closest family dies as well so I lean on others. I have to move so I lost all but one of my friends in my hometown and have to make new ones. And God is just trying to keep me sane day to day.
Aside from God friends and family are what got me through. Yet, those people you turned to for so much and they do you just leave. They just forget about all the memories and good times and even bad times you have been through together. The worst part after all that they leave on such a depressing and violent note.
I was very fortunate to have good memories right up to the last minute with my dad. We were laughing and enjoying time with each other. I thought it’d be like that with everyone else too. Leave on a peaceful note or remembering all the memories. The thing is that’s not always how things go. Sometimes the people you thought you could trust and rely on most disappoint you the greatest.
It’s hard to even wrap my head around. Someone you have most of your life involved with is great until an argument starts, things have been rocky for a while now, and you both say things you don’t mean but that’s the possible end. The end to a lifetime of laughter and tears together.
You just wonder what happened. How you got here. How messed up it is. Your next thoughts are all of the good memories and how you never thought it’d end. You try to end it on a good note but instead, the conversation turns south. It hurts and for a mind like mine you think about it day and night.
No matter how much you can’t change it, it’s all you can think about. You feel helpless and lost without this person. Your only hope is that God can intervene and fix it all. Take it back to the way it used to be.
Sometimes God decides to stay out though. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. All while two people who were so close don’t have each other to lean on anymore.
Life happens and more times than not it’s not rainbows and butterflies. However, if for once in a very long time you are in one of those rare moments don’t let this sad, depressing bump in the road detour that happiness.
I am truly happy at this point in my life and I’m secure and comfortable where I’m at right now. Nobody can change that. Even losing one of the most important and special people in my life. I have an amazing boyfriend, my college is on track to graduate early, graduation is only three months away, for once my life is somewhere that if someone takes a low blow on who I am or my character. I can stand tall and know it’s not true I know who I am and those things even if they do hurt won’t define me.
The most hurtful words come from the people you’re closest to. They leave a scar on your heart from someone you never thought would hurt it. Someone who knows what you’ve been through.
From just recently being in one of these situations I’m battling with it as I write this. The words spoken are still running through my mind even if I know it was said out of anger. I can’t help but look back and just be speechless. I never thought things would be like this ever. But life happened…Sometimes relationships can’t stand the test of life itself.
Give it to God. Relationships, careers, school, family, death, everything. It’s hard when you lose someone who means so much, but let God take over and it might not be over just yet. He has a greater plan in mind and as much as it hurts right now life goes on.