Onward and Upward

“I’ve seen a baby cry and seconds later he laughs. The beauty of life, pain never lasts”- J. Cole

As I approach the 5-year mark of my dad’s death the heartache, grief, and pain that comes along with it flood my heart. The pain of my heart tearing apart was almost unbearable some days. At one point in time, I hoped and prayed that one morning I just wouldn’t wake up.

I felt like I had no worth, nothing to live for anymore. I had hit rock bottom…Days came and went and the pain seemed to just weigh over me. That is until I decided to change it. I was tired of living such a miserable life. I knew my dad would never want that for me.

I had to make the change to be happy again, to remind myself my life was worth living. I literally had my whole life ahead of me and I just wanted it to end. I look back and it’s so messed up, but the pain of waking up to a world without my dad was something I had to learn to cope with.

Everyone told me eventually the pain will go away and I never believed them. One day it did. One day I found myself actually smiling again. A real smile. I wasn’t miserable anymore and I had something to look forward to the next day.

I hit absolute rock bottom after my dad died. I’d just get back up then pushed back down as other loved ones died after. But eventually, even after all the pain and suffering, I can enjoy life again. I miss all my loved ones like crazy, however, it does become more bearable.

Nothing lasts forever and that includes pain. Sure it’s something you’ll face all through life. Just don’t let it take away your smile. If you lose something that makes life unbearable sometimes count your blessings. You were fortunate enough to have that.

Like what I had with my dad, it’s unbreakable, I wouldn’t trade it for the world because most people aren’t fortunate enough to have relationships like that with their parents.

Pain will consume your life you let it and let me tell ya a miserable one at that. It’s ok to grieve and cry it means you’re healing. But the second you let it start changing you, that’s when it needs to stop. Everyone around you will sense it. Your family won’t want to be around you, friends won’t want to hang out, because eventually, it is just depressing to be around.

Tragedies happen to everyone at some point or another. When you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom remember you can only go up. Take the stand against yourself and pick out something good in every day. Laugh a little extra. Find yourself again. Pain will come and go, just don’t let it be permanent.

It’s almost breathtaking when you have the feeling of happiness once again in your heart when you feel that smile forming. You feel accomplished. In a mere 2 days, I will probably be a mess. But that pain will not consume me. It only took 5 years but I am now in control. I am truly happy again; I have friends, family, and goals in life to live for. I have a life planned to achieve, and a man upstairs to make proud.

The sole motivation for me is to make my dad proud, to stand by what he taught me, and build a life to be proud of. My phone is flooded with inspirational quotes for anytime I even begin to start thinking negatively and Pinterest is my best friend.

There will be few moments you’ll be prouder than the day you conquer something you’ve been battling. I’ve become stronger because of the pain I’ve endured and I can stand proudly in that; up to this point, it is my greatest personal accomplishment.

Even if it is a cliche, things will get better. As long as you make the effort to continue moving up.

pain quote

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