Imagine yourself back at 12 again, having some of the best years of your life. Until it’s just gone. You lost your world, moved, started a new school, someone new in the “dad-role”, new sister. All within a span of about a year. New everything. It all started with my dad and that was enough to ruin a person but he wasn’t the only thing I was having to take on.
Within months of my dad’s death my grandpa fell off a ladder taking down Christmas lights and could’ve been really hurt and my grandma was involved in a near fatal car accident resulting in a broken neck. I’m just lucky I didn’t lose them too.
Every time I thought I was handling everything ok again something like my grandpa falling would happen. I’d just get to the point of picking myself back up and get pushed right back down. Sometimes it seems the only way to deal with it is just lay there and wait for the dust to settle.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen that way because while you lie there life keeps going on around you. I got picked up in the prime of my life and thrown down and hard. I tried to get up so many times until I just wanted to give up. I wanted it all to go away. All the sadness and grief. All the pain.
Now that was part of an old journal, from 2014. At that point, everything was so fresh and I can remember exactly how I felt. Sometimes I still have a lingering feeling, honestly, I’m not sure if it ever truly goes away. However, I can see that eventually, I got to a mindset and spot in life where I can stand strong through these things.
I have setbacks sure and I miss my dad every single day. I don’t let these define who I am or my life though. It used to take me literally months to get over a little bump in the road. Now it could be as few as only days.
The thing is I had to fall and get up, fall and get up countless times to be able to stand where I am now. Every single fall has somehow formed me into how I am.
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance.”
There is not a single person on Earth that can coast through life without stumbling or having the feeling of wanting to give up. I don’t care who it is everyone has their own struggles at least once in life. The trick is to just make it part of your past, not your future.
There were times I wanted to give up and just stay holed up in my room. Then I realized my dad didn’t want that for me. Every fall makes you stronger and more confident just like riding a bike. Just get back on and keep riding. He’d tell me some smart remark about being a girl and to just get back up.
I believe I’m in a very good spot in life and like to believe I’ve accomplished a lot and have come quite a ways. However, with that being said I still have my days. I still have certain things I struggle with.
For instance, it’s fall now and hunting seasons are kicking in hardcore. It’s a really hard time of year for me because it was where my dad shined. He never missed an opening day and never ceased to get his family involved.
A lot of times when I’m up in my treestand it turns into a therapy session. Tears flow and I talk to God. Thet thing is when the deer aren’t moving I get bored and get thinking I am my own problem nonetheless it’s a roadblock. Every. Single. Year.
Point is yes I’ve made progress in my journey. But it doesn’t stop here. I’m still growing, and it’s ok to stumble and fall. It’s a fact of life and will follow you through. I know that if I continue to stumble and fall I will continue to grow and become stronger. It never stops. Plus those times of struggle are just more things God can use you for.