Today was one of those days where I look back and it was a huge reality check. See today was my last first day of high school a huge milestone and the start of my senior year. I’m so excited and ready to take on the next step in my life. I know exactly what I want to do as well as where and how I’ll do it.
However, a little part of me is heartbroken. Although I’m ecstatic and have been waiting for this day for about 4 years now realization comes that in 270 days I’ll be graduating high school. This is like one of the most important things that’ll ever happen in my life. Just like everything else in the last almost 5 years my dad is going to miss it.
He won’t be there when I look out into the crowd to see my family all supporting me and cheering me on. Sure I’ll be thankful for who is there, but I won’t be able to stop myself from looking for the faces not there as well. Needless to say, it’ll be a bittersweet and super emotional day.
In the last 5 years I’ve needed my dad a lot. Whether it be for gutting my first deer to giving me advice to become a better welder I would’ve soaked it up. He taught me everything I know, but I also had so much more to learn.
Some days I just want him to be here. Nothing more nothing less just simply be here and in my presence. To get to hear that goofy laugh of his again or see those baby blue eyes. To get to see his face in 270 days when I walk across that stage.
A bond between a daddy and daughter is like none other. He becomes a protector, role model, teacher, shoulder to cry on. Dad’s are there to teach you how to ride a bike, kiss the boo-boo, wipe away the tears, and help you get right back on when you fall off. In my case he’s there to meet your date at the door. Or walk me down the aisle to someone who will never be good enough in his eyes.
I won’t ever get some of these things though. I had only 12 precious years with an amazing man as my father. Those 12 years were filled with little tears, and lots of memories.
When my grandma died he was by my side in an instant; when I broke my wrist he stayed with me in the hospital. No matter what he was there. We had a bond many aren’t fortunate enough to have. There are countless times I’m faced with the question of “how would my dad do it” or “how did he show me how to do it”.
I’d give anything to have more time with my dad, to have him at my graduation or walk me down the aisle. Anything. But it’s not possible. There are days I need my dad, but can’t have him anymore. Now I rely on him in my heart and the memories he left me with.
Don’t forget to need your dad, or really any one special to you, while they are still here. My dad’s death was such a shocking freak accident it really puts into perspective that you don’t know when someone’s last day is. You’ll never be too old to need your parents, grandparents, aunt, uncles, etc.
Enjoy the time you do have and don’t take it for granted. Truth is nobody is getting any younger. You don’t realize how much you need someone or something until it’s gone. Don’t let that be you. Enjoy the time now before you can’t appreciate the time you had. I had 12 amazing years with my dad, in all honesty I almost lost him at a mere 3 months old. Yet God allowed him to raise him family and time to get to know him. Time to create such a relationship that pushes me through everyday. Build that with someone before tomorrow isn’t an option.